Today I’ve been going through my file cabinet full of papers that record 5 years of research and writing leading to my doctoral dissertation One Can Only See Clearly With the Heart: A Map of Living Openheartedly. I tell people my grave stone will say “here lies a late bloomer, wait for me I’m coming.” While sorting paper I listened to Clarissa Pinkola Estes talk about The Late Bloomer – the “one often called the dummling, or feathers in her head…” www.soundstrue.com.
Pinkola Estes said that when we finish a task that was difficult we need a time to draw from fresh water; “not water from a plastic bottle but water from the source.” A friend tells people who ask about me, that she’s “going off on a pilgrimage to reconnect with her tribe.” Yes, I am going to drink with the people who fill my reservoir with fresh water; the people who nourish me with laughter, good food and wine, warm beds, morning coffee and their truths. The people who know I’m a late bloomer and like the boy in the Emperor With No Clothes know that sometimes I pretend that I’m fully dressed.
Years ago a friend introduced by another friend who called her in the middle of the night after a party at my house to announce, “I’ve found them, I’ve found them,” and I were shopping. I was trying on hats. My friend said about the black one with the pink peony I’d plopped on my head, “Looks like a funeral.” I heard her say “Silly old Fool.” After our laughter died down I bought the hat. In the middle of the cold Michigan winter when we met to say our goodbyes before I moved to Saipan, I wore it into a book store and passed it onto her. She wore it out of the store into the snow – silly old fool.
I test on the introvert to extrovert scale heavy on the introvert side. I like living here on 10 acres with my dog and chickens and limited human interaction. I have to take 10 deep breaths to interact with more than one person at a time and sometimes even one is a challenge.
When I’m asked “are you sure you want to take the bus, there are so many people…unspoken “not like us,” I hear the song “what if God was one of us, just a slob on the bus… just tryin’ to make his way home…
Relationship, an overused word that is maybe losing meaning, is inherent to our human experience – we are all connected. But relationship is sometimes difficult – you know what I mean. As we learned from the Velveteen Rabbit, involvement with others rubs off some of our fuzzy new fur. My friends and family and the people on the bus keep me real.
God be in my head and in my understanding, god be in my eyes and my looking, god be in my mouth and my speaking, god be in my tongue and in my tasting, god be in my lips and in my greeting, god be in my reaching/receiving, god be in my feet and my grounding, and god be in my joints and in my bending… God be in my heart …